There is probably nothing more stress inducing, more nerve-wracking or fear-sweat triggering 보다 the first kiss.

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Outside the “How do I accomplish girls?”, “when must you kiss her” is easily the most common dating question I get.

The second most usual involves how I arrangement to pay the attention on my ahem “business loans”.

It’s an area where just around everyone feeling some kind of tension because there are just so countless unknowns five my godohmygodohmygod. “When do I kiss her? How should i kiss her? perform I ask an initial or simply go for it? When’s the perfect moment? What am I claimed to look the end for? five God, what if I acquire the cheek? What if she freaks out and calls me creepy?1 What if she tells all her friends? and also they tell all of their friends? five Jesus, I’ll never day in this city again, I DON’T desire TO have to MOVE?!?!?!

Chill the crap out, Beavis.

That’s why I’m here. To walk you with all this confuse shit and also teach friend that once you just need come shut up and kiss the girl.

When execute You Kiss Her?

Well shit, when you both feel like it, really.

HELP MAKE medical professional NERDLOVE net FAMOUS…

That’s Really not Helpful, Doc.

Fine, fine. You desire answers?

I Think I’m Entitled!

Do you want answers?

I desire The Truth!

The reality is, you’re questioning the wrong goddamn question.


OK, fine, let’s try this again.

When do You Kiss Her?

When girlfriend both feel favor it.

OK, wait up, listen me out.

It’s every dependent ~ above mood and circumstance. If you’re on your first date, the good-night kiss is virtually ritualistic; I’m certain you’ve already gamed the end in her head the moment you’re stand on she porch (or sitting in the automobile in former of her apartment building or what-have you), you’re saying her good-byes and also how you had actually a an excellent time and also want to carry out this again and also you deserve to feel her palms sweating as you’re not certain whether to go for the kiss or a hug, whether to go for the cheek or the lips or simply to just damn the torpedoes and hope that you’re getting a good-night beej rather of a dried peck on the lips.

I can guarantee you, your date has most likely spent just around as much time thinking around how the night is going to finish as you have.

Now personally, I’m no a fan of all the concerned anticipation the comes through the finish of a date, therefore I’ll typically kiss her long prior to we’re about to to speak our good-byes and go. Because, shit, who desires the tension? get that out of the way early.

Thing is I invested a fair amount that time to brush up on my game. I invested a lot of time make mistakes, moving too fast, relocating too slow and also getting cheeked, dodged and also in one memorable case, gaining a drink tossed ~ above me2 come really occupational up mine calibration. For this reason I’ve learned how to recognize once someone is receptive to being kissed and also how.

And critically, I’ve learned the many important component about the first kiss.

There Is No Perfect Moment

When you’re questioning the concern of “When execute you kiss her”, you’re asking the not correct question. You’re trying to find “the moment,” which is a mistake. Some people think the moment comes at the end of the date and also trying for a kiss previously is a mistake.

These civilization are wrong.

Sometimes it’s no a instance of wait for the good-night kiss; part girls don’t kiss on the very first date, part do, good for them one of two people way. So maybe you’re top top your 2nd or third date and also you’re liven scanning for signals that possibly she’s expecting you to kiss her. You’re parsing she every word and also body activity like it’s the Zapruder film and also you’re trying to figure out wherein Waldo is in it and whether he was the shooter ~ above the grassy knoll. You’re leaning in, pulling earlier afraid the it’s the not correct moment, do the efforts desperately to collection up The Moment. You’re act everything short of hoping that a to sing crab is going to present up and also start providing you pointers.

“Give her a little much more tongue, mon.”

Here’s the thing: there’s no such thing as “the perfect moment”.  there is only this moment, and also the much more you dick around trying to figure out when and where, the much more time you’re wasting that could be much better spent top top sloppy make-outs.

I realize that pop culture has drilled into our collective heads that the an initial kiss needs to be “perfect” and also at “the perfect moment”. Funny thing about those “perfect moments”? we make ’em up. It’s a fun quirk that the human brain: we’re really great at retconning events to fit exactly how we desire them come be. Us will quite cheerfully ring up a minute as “the perfect moment” due to the fact that we want the an initial kiss with our girl friend or boyfriends to it is in a magcial moment. Also if it was in the center of a overfilled bar and some ugly sweaty dude to be flirting v your date five minutes before you make your relocate – it will feel choose the perfect moment in she memory. Screw up the kiss and get her nose rather of she lips? She’ll be telling her friends how adorable the failure was and also how sweet the moment ended up being because the your little slip. Stop worrying trying come recreate a scene from a movie and also just it is in in the goddamned moment.

Should girlfriend Ask Or just Go because that It?

Well this is a tricky one, i’nit?

I’ve done casual poll on the Dr. NerdLove on facebook page  and Twitter feed and that was virtually a 2-to-1 situation of “Make the move”, followed by a sport of “It depends/fine either way/I favor them both”. This corresponds rather well through other areas where I’ve seen the subject come up (Google “Ask because that a kiss” and also do your very own research): a majority of an exceptionally unscientific sampling of females seem to choose that men make the relocate rather 보다 ask because that it.

Now let’s it is in clear: this is obviously not representative of all women. Yet it does tie into a topic that I’ve pointed out before: part people proactively dislike verbal sexual (or relationship, for that matter) communication.

My thoughts: it’s generally better to recognize when she’s interested in being kissed and also take the initiative. If you’re ~ above the socially awkward next or are negative at analysis social cues, it might be better to ask. That the women that responded come the poll, the ones who wanted to it is in asked assumed it to be sweet and romantic.

But ns still speak you should shut up and kiss her.

How carry out You recognize She desires You to Kiss Her?

Now you’re questioning the appropriate question. Knowing just how to tell when she’s interested in her kissing she is how you make the moment happen.

So what perform you look at for?

Her body Language

How does she respond to you physically? Is she leaning in to capture every word? Is she remaining close to you, also hugging her arm and snuggled approximately you together you’re wade together? Is she do a allude to close the gap between “personal space” (approximately 2 come 4 feet) come “intimate space” (around 18 inch or so)?


How lot touching is she doing? It’s one point if it’s an occasional touch ~ above the arm. It’s an additional if, say, she’s pushing her thigh up against yours if you’re sitting together, or if she’s touching you and letting her hand stay. Where is she emotional you? A touch on the upper arm is significantly less intimate 보다 one top top the forearm, and also which is much less than touching your hand.

If you hug her, are you acquiring the A-Frame hug – all top body leaning in – or the full body? Is she lingering top top the hug or not?

Her Lips

If she’s interested in being kissed, she’s going to it is in calling fist to her mouth. She may bite her lip or lick them, particularly if you’re moving right into close proximity.

The Triangle Gaze

This is among the best, surest indicators out there for when someone’s interested in being kissed. She will execute what’s known as the triangle rigid – looking from one eye to the other, then down to her lips, then ago up to her eyes. Simply as someone that is interested in being kissed will speak to attention to her own lips, she will also be paying attention to yours.

So What carry out You Do?

Generally, I’m a fan of just closing the distance and kissing her. Sometimes there’s a one-finger hit of the cheek, occasionally touching the chin. A general, all-purpose an approach that i endorse is the hug-to-kiss: at an appropriate emotional high-point – she’s make a joke, among you simply bowled a strike, you simply finished dancing come an great song, miscellaneous – pull she in because that a hug. Pause, look her in the eyes for a second – watch for the triangle gaze! – and also move in gradually for the kiss.

By the by: I constantly advocate moving slowly for the an initial kiss. First, over there are few things sexier 보다 anticipation and also the buildup to a very first kiss is positively delicious. Secondly, it provides her plenty of time come respond; if she doesn’t desire you come kiss her she’s acquired ample time to provide you the cheek or to tide you off.

Pro Tip: Not favor this.

Now, having said that, there are a number of ways that working approximately the kiss if you’re not necessarily comfortable with making a relocate – yet still don’t want to flat-out ask. One an approach I’ve had actually success through is the “I’m trying no to kiss you best now.” Again, at an ideal emotional high-point – and also you desire to do the move for that an initial kiss in ~ a high-point -move in close (in a path congruent to the situation; girlfriend don’t just want to execute the Pepe Le Pew pounce or the creeper sidle) pause, look she in the eye and say “You know, I’m trying so difficult not come kiss you ideal now,” and gauge she response. If you gain a negative reaction: she flinches, transforms her head or tells you level out “try harder” (all of i beg your pardon I’ve had actually happen), smile, pull back, change the subject, move on to something else.

Others I know have had actually success in pointing to their very own cheek, basically asking for a kiss from her. Asking because that a kiss on the cheek deserve to be playful and also is generally reasonably low-investment for her, which way a) she’s more likely to actually kiss you and also b) if she doesn’t want to kiss you, she’s far less likely to it is in offended and also it’s much less complicated for her to say “no” there is no worrying about your reaction. When she does  kiss you, you can use it to gauge just how to continue by the kiss. If it’s a quick, familiar kiss, odds room she’s not quite ready – better to wait a bit longer. If it’s friendly yet she pipeline her challenge close – or it’s a decidedly more-than-friendly kiss… well, you’ve got your invitation right there, don’t you?

Pro Tip: If you use the cheek-kiss an approach do not pull the “swivel her head and also get a kiss on the lips”. It takes a an extremely specific, really well socially calibrated personality kind to pull the off and in every likelyhood that ain’t you. everyone else simply looks prefer a dipshit because that trying.

End the kiss very first but no too quickly. You desire to permit the stress build, not remain in come the point that she’s getting uncomfortable, however you likewise don’t want your first kiss to be a fast dry peck on the lips. Let that linger because that just a moment, then pull back. Trust me, if she’s right into it, she’ll be kissing you back.

Also: together a basic rule, uneven she’s been providing you unmistakable indicators of sexual interest – the is, to the level of to run her hands down the former of her pants – no tongue ~ above the first kiss. Allow the excitement develop rather 보다 going because that the yellow on the an initial try.

What If It all Goes Wrong?

Now a number of you will certainly be liven war-gaming every single means things can go horribly horribly wrong, from garlic breath to acquiring cheeked to acquiring slapped and culminating with gift arrested through the cops together your house captures on fire.

Calm down. Take it a deep breath. And also chill the crap out.

First of all: constantly carry a pack of gum with you on a date. A small gum – market her a item too – helps mitigate any type of “oh god, what around my breath?” moments. Yes, it will probably signal come her that you’re thinking of kissing her in the near future. That’s ok, I’m reasonably certain the she figured that part out when you asked her the end on a day in the very first place.

Second: unless you shot to actually maul her, the worst the you deserve to expect is to obtain cheeked or the wave-off. This is no a big deal. It doesn’t average that the date is destroyed or the she hates you. You can recoup from this: action back, offer a genuine smile, apologize and also move on. Don’t law it prefer a huge deal; simply say “Sorry, guess: v I observed the dorn signals,” and then readjust the subject. Acting favor a grown-up – no making a fuss, arguing around what you believed she was interested in or populated on the fact that she didn’t desire you to kiss she – have the right to make every the difference in between “not yet” and “not ever”.

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Kiss The Girl

Look, this isn’t rocket science and trying to review a woman’s signals isn’t the Voynich Manuscript. She’s do a allude of dressing as much as look nice because that you and has to be spending most of she evening with you. She’s to be laughing at her jokes, enjoy it your firm and hasn’t to be checking she phone for the “emergency” message or eyeing the clock. She’s having actually a an excellent time. She’s really starting to favor you.

So get over over there and kiss she already!

“Sha-la-la-la-la-laMy, oh, myLook at the boy too shyHe ain’t gonna… oh, wait, nevermind.”