Sex was an option

The other day I had actually a sobering thought: It would have been so straightforward for united state to offer in and have sex before we were married. Wow. Honestly, it would certainly have. If we wanted to, we can have made it happen. Prayer be come God because that His continuous protection, conviction, and strength.

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When Michael and also I to be dating and also engaged, saving ourselves for each other was, to it is in vulnerable, a really difficult struggle for us. Yet it to be one the we had actually committed to. Despite the opponent loved to usage the lie that we were fighting alone, it was comforting to remember that countless many various other couples are engaging in this exact same battle. And also that’s precisely what that is: a battle.

Today I want to share v you three means that mine husband and also I discovered victory in ours fight because that a pure marital relationship bed.


It’s basic for every one of us to gain stuck on being self-focused and to not reach out to give or receive help. This deserve to be especially true in relationships. It can become comfortable to get so caught up in your connection or your significant other that you reduced yourself turn off from the rest of your community. Accountability is one way to bring life, healing, and an outward focus to your relationship.

Both Michael and also I had accountability partners that we would certainly meet and also check in through on a regular basis, frequently weekly. We both had mentor figures and friends checking in top top us. This was difficult for me. Gift open and also honest around ways that I had fallen short on the exact same struggle over and over to be embarrassing at times. Yet it truly did lug freedom come confess my sins to fellow believers (James 5:16).

My mentor and my friends were also an extremely encouraging in that they didn’t condemn me. Instead, lock empathized with how I was feeling and also reminded me to keep battling, to save going. The mr spoke come me many times v these exorbitant women. 

Accountability have the right to be twisted in our minds right into something ugly and also shameful if us let it, but it doesn’t have to be favor that. Don’t let Satan have actually that win. God designed us to be relational beings. We are to repeat each other of truth, reprove once necessary, and build one another up in the love of Christ.

Find who you to trust to be moral with and live relationally through them. This will certainly go a long method in facilitating growth and also healing.

Intentional Boundaries

I’m cringing a small as I create this because our boundary perform was very frustrating in ~ times. However we yes, really did require it.


I remember the first time Michael and also I created out our border list. The night before, things had actually gone farther than they must have. Us were discouraged and also didn’t desire slip-ups to continue to happen, so us were strict with ourselves. We sat down in Dunkin’ Donuts and wrote the end a physical perform of every one of the points that were it s okay for us and all of the points that were off limits. We wrote this perform while us were dating and fought come abide by it up till our wedding night.

Over the course of a year, the perform went through multiple editing and enhancing processes: trying to make part things much less strict and then regularly going ago to the original. Us also added a lot an ext specifics together time walk on so there to be no room because that gray areas.

I stated that this was a frustrating process, and also it certainly was. Over there were plenty of times as soon as I wanted to just disregard what we had written. It’s fine. We’ll be fine. We have the right to handle it. but that no true. Damage is cancerous. Having the perform physically composed out was a great reminder and also standard that we had to go earlier to. We shared the list through our accountability partner so they had specifics to ask us about every week.

For us, a huge point top top our list was our “situational boundaries,” like avoiding being alone as much as possible. If you choose to compose a list, your will probably look various than our did. I m sorry is ok. Know yourself. Recognize where friend are many prone come slip. Carry the procedure before the lord in prayer and also ask for His indict in what come write and for His strength to monitor what you have actually written. I have the right to tell friend from endure that He will certainly provide.

Prayer and also Scripture

For us, this to be the most vital point. As Christians, we have to be living resides that room saturated in prayer and the indigenous of God. “Pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). On job that we knew we would be safety time together, us would perform our finest to pray end the work individually before we met.

Something else that aided us while we were involved was making use of alarms. Michael set alarms to go off top top his call every two hours or so on days us were together. Once the alarms walk off, us prayed the the lord would keep us base in Him. We additionally read a verse out loud off a perform of verses that each the us had actually chosen. We offered these scriptures as weapons to proclaim against the enemy.

The alarm system helped to store us concentrated on our father in a time when sexual temptation was consistent. I can’t tell girlfriend on how plenty of occasions those alarms were perfectly time to walk off. God is sovereign, and also I believe that He really did use this together another way to protect us and also keep united state close come Him.

Today is New

I don’t write this come brag however to share things that helped me in wishes that they will help you too. Ns pray that you space encouraged. Michael and also I battled. Us were not perfect, yet I have the right to say, all thanks to ours Father, that we conserved ourselves because that marriage. Working to uphold our physical boundaries was difficult, however it flourished us immensely. Ns learned exactly how to rely an ext heavily top top God, how to it is in open around my sin and shortcomings, and how to demonstrate patience and also love my husband in a depth way. Though we’re married now, this go not average that us won’t fight with sexual sin anymore. This also doesn’t mean that we are finished growing. The lord is at occupational in His kids daily.

Jesus died and rose for united state to have actually victory over sin, death, and also separation native God. This success is currently ours. The bike of sin go not need to continue. Shame does not have to be your norm. Select to lean on the Lord, it is in renewed, and start fresh! In Christ, you room made new (2 Corinthians 5:17).

I challenge you, no matter where you are in terms of sex-related sin, to decide now to seek out one accountability partner, to know yourself and your struggles, and to go to the mr in prayer. Life a life that purity is only possible by the blood that Jesus, our perfect sacrifice and also our climbed Savior. He calls united state to daily strive to honor Him; might we do so, beginning now.

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Allie joy Hudson is very first and foremost a daughter that the King. She graduated from Liberty University v a Bachelor of art in English and also minors in Spanish and Psychology. Allie completed her senior Honors Thesis on the presentation that postmodern sexuality in brief fiction and has likewise been released in 2 of Liberty University’s various other online journals, The Kabod and Aidenn. She enjoys reading, writing, play the viola, singing, music theatre, photography, and Zumba. She is passionate about her ever-growing C.S. Lewis collection, cultivating relationships, and proclaiming truth in the twisted arena the postmodern sexuality. Allie was raised in Maryland and also is overjoyed to it is in married to the love of she life.